A Pastor's Heart

There was a time when I did not want to go home. If I walked through that door, I just knew there would be another confrontation. All I wanted was to avoid it. After a long day at work, I was more exhausted thinking about what waited for me in my own house. How did it get this bad? What happened?  She was regularly mad, frustrated with me. Things were not getting better, they were getting worse. My marriage was in trouble, and I didn’t know what to do.  “This should be!” I thought. “I’m a pastor!”

Looking for resources to help us, I found a small group class in a city an hour away from us.  The class was a bible-based study of what God says about marriage.  The class made crystal clear what the bible said about the role of the husband and wife, the vision of a covenant marriage, and how to love each other. So, every Monday we would drive for an hour, attend the class for an hour and a half, and then fight all the way home.

But the more we went and heard what God said, and the more we let the godly people rub off on us, the more we changed. Change so radical, it saved our marriage. Not only that, I learned some real practical truths.

1. Hearing what the scriptures says does something in our hearts. It was as though a power was made available to us. A power to change.  It did something for us we could not do on our own.  

For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. [Heb 4:12 NLT] 

2. We needed the influence of godly people. Listening to stories from others about how God worked in their lives and marriages encouraged us. The truths we heard were powerful, but seeing it in the lives of others, and receiving their prayers for us, gave us the courage to obey.

And let us take thought of how to spur one another on to love and good works, not abandoning our own meetings, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging each other. [Heb 10:24-25 NET]

I saw how these two things, the Word of God and His people, had always been His chief resources for creating change. Both of these things were stronger than my will power, and smarter than my thinking.  

You see, God has provided Christian community for the very purpose of helping you follow in His steps, to follow His Word. The scriptures inform us of what godliness looks like, and then God lovingly brings us into the community of other Christians so that we can walk in that godliness. And that is how change happens. 

I don’t know about you, but I am a sucker for hero stories.  I don’t mean Marvel heroes, I’m talking about movies with men and women who face big trouble and then do something courageous. Those stories inspire me. What did they do when the bottom fell from under them? How did they handled betrayal? What did they do when the people who should have supported them let them down? 

There is a story of a young man who was the youngest of eleven brothers. He was dad’s favorite. If you have a sibling like that (or maybe YOU are that sibling) you know what can happen. The ten brothers were full of jealousy. It seethed in them every time their dad showed him favor.  One day their resentment overtook them, and they planned to murder him. Fortunately, at the last minute the oldest son convinced them not to kill him, but instead to sell him as a slave.  

That youngest son, only 17 years old, was taken far away from home and enslaved in a foreign country. A new language, a new culture, and now a slave to family he knew nothing about.

Joseph had one advantage. He honored God.  

For the next 13 years, his life was was a constant sway between favor and trouble. He would prosper in a job, and then be betrayed in the same job. At one point, after his boss had given him the highest position in the house, he was falsely accused of rape and thrown into prison. As he sat there in that grimy, dark, Egyptian desert prison, he could have focused on the good times he had had with his dad. He could have chosen to sulk in the memories of his pampered childhood. But like a compass that always points to true north, he continued to honor God. 

Honoring God was like a rhythm in his life. Because he honored God, God would honor him and change his trouble into favor.

When Joseph was 39, a full 22 years after his brothers sold him into slavery, those same brothers show up needing food for their families because of a massive drought that had hit the land. Because Joseph had seen God’s help over all those years, instead of anger and revenge, he responded with mercy. Joseph, to me, is a true hero. Look at how he overcame adversity.

1. He kept his head clear by continually serving others. Even when Joseph was thrown in prison, he begins to serve other prisoners and the warden. Genesis 39:23 

The keeper of the prison did not look into anything that was under Joseph’s authority, because the Lord was with him; and whatever he did, the Lord made it prosper. Genesis 39:23 

What do you do when you are rejected, demoralized, when those closed to you abandon you or disk you? Joseph found a place to serve because he looked for one.

2. He believed that His God would make trouble work for his good, especially in times of testing. 

Psalm 105:17-19 He sent a man before them,Joseph, who was sold as a slave. They afflicted his feet with fetters,  He himself was laid in iron; Until the time that his word came to pass, The word of the Lord tested him.

3. Lastly, Joseph understood God was sovereign, and so he chose to live for His honor. For that, God rewarded him. This is a universal law. Look at what the Lord tells us, 

‘for those who honor Me I will honor, and those who despise Me shall be lightly esteemed. 1Sam. 2:30

Let me encourage you. Honor God in everything you do, and you’ll see a reward that surpasses all the hardships you face in this life. 

Norman Schwarzkopf was the United States General who led the coalition forces during the Gulf War. He once told a story of his first class at “charm school” which he attended when he became a brigadier general.

He and 35 other “one star” generals were all required to attend classes designed to help them get a broader view of their responsibilities as general officers of the army. The classes are also  designed to teach them better manners and the political realities of a military that is under civilian authority. (That’s why it’s called “charm school”!)

When the 36 men gathered there for their first session they all expected to be affirmed and encouraged as the best of the best the army had to offer. The seasoned general who was instructing the class stood at the podium and looked at them a long time before he spoke.

When he finally began he said, “If you had all traveled here together in an airplane, and it crashed and killed you, do you know what would happen?” The generals kept their eyes focused on him. After a moment, he continued, “We would go back out into the field and get 36 more colonels just as good as you to take your place.” 1

I love that story.  That general knew what he was doing. He just helped those men escape a trap. Pride is dangerous. It can make good men into fools.

Before you start elevating yourself in your job, or among your family, consider the consequences of a proud person:

1. Pride is dangerous because it not only causes God to be “against” you, He sets a battle against you…. 

God is opposed to the proud, but gives grace to the humble. James 4:6 

To oppose means to square off in battle. It’s one thing to have a family member against you, but to have the Creator of the Universe designing strategies to humble you (in other words, bring you down)… Trust me, you don’t want that.

2. Pride is the precursor to calamity. It’s like a road sign “Catastrophe up ahead” 

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom. Proverbs 11:2 

Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.Proverbs 16:18 

For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Galatians 6:3

That is why we need good honest friends who can tell us if they see or smell it. Pride blinds us. You usually cannot see it, but everyone else can. This price for pride is too great to be ignored. I encourage you, ask someone who knows you well to give you a pride check. It will bless you in the long run.

1. Seven Seasons of Man in the Mirror by Patrick Morley

What does a great church look like? I was sitting alone in an old tattered trailer at the far end of a lake asking the Lord this very question. I had taken time off to seek the Lord and ask for a new strategy to help me reach the lost in my community. After praying, I opened up my Bible to the book of Acts and slowly and intently began to read the story of the early church. It was then that God began to show me things about that church community I had not seen before. For one, I had never noticed how diverse the early church was. 

ACT 2:8-11  “Then how is it that each of us hears them in his own native language? Parthians, Medes and Elamites; residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia,  Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya near Cyrene; visitors from Rome,  (both Jews and converts to Judaism); Cretans and Arabs.” 

This church had Persians, Arabs, Africans, Asians, Romans – they had people from all over the known world. Every kind of race and tongue were represented in the young Bride of Christ. Black skinned , light skinned, brown skinned: All kinds of people were gravitating to the message of Jesus. And these new believers met together, not just in the temple, but in each other’s homes. Not just in formal religious buildings, but in each other’s personal lives breaking bread at each other’s dinner tables. There was no hint of all the light skinned Christians meeting only with other light skinned Christians, or Arab believers only meeting with other Arab believers, or black believers only meeting with black believers. No, they loved their new King more than they loved their own culture. That love for Jesus brought them together to form a new, stronger, and better bond than culture, tribe, or race.

 At the time I took this little retreat, I was an Anglo-pastor living in a predominantly Mexican-American community (94% of my community was Latino). At the time, our church congregation consisted of maybe 50% Hispanics, and that just didn’t sit right with me. So, I asked the worship team to play a Spanish song during our Sunday morning service. The Hispanics loved it, but some Anglos did not. In fact, some left. Not long after that, I added audio translations to accompany the sermons. To my joyful surprise, people started coming from parts of our city where no one spoke English.  Some even came from across  the border in Mexico just to attend our service.

Eventually, we started an all-Spanish service that saw immediate growth. Despite lacking fluency in Spanish, I was the pastor of that congregation. I was brought into their homes, and they into mine. My wife and kids attended their pachangas (parties) where we laughed and loved and ate delicious food together. It was beginning to look like that Great Church in the book of Acts. We were building a community, not around culture or hobbies, but around our highest love: our love for Jesus. The more we nurtured and simply enjoyed those relationships, the more the congregation grew. Today, the church has five services in Spanish across three campuses. 

As I look back on those days, I see that it was all really about honor. Oftentimes, a pastor tries to reach the Hispanic community by hiring a pastor from Mexico, Puerto Rico, or Central America. This might stem from good intentions, but by delegating this responsibility to someone else, pastors actually create a wall between them and the community they are trying to reach. They unintentionally dishonor them by treating them like they are not worthy of their personal pursuit. Sometimes love and honor open up hearts in ways that a good “logical” strategy does not.  The Apostle Paul knew that. The value of presenting Jesus Christ as savior was worth far more than working in only his own culture.   

1 Corinthians 9:22 NASB… I have become all things to all men, so that I may by all means save some. 

As I stepped out on the road for my morning run, I prayed to the Lord, “Lord, I have not felt the sweetness of Your presence in a long time. I would really like to feel that again.” 

It was summer time. Despite the early hour, the air was hot and thick with humidity, and a six mile run lay before me. As I neared the end of my run, I saw a lady step out of her car in her driveway. I heard the Lord whisper, “Go pray for her.” Instantly my mind was formulating reasons to not go pray for this lady, “Lord, I’m wearing a tank top and running shorts. I’m drenched in sweat! How will this look? What will the neighbors say? What if she calls the cops?”  These all seemed like good reasons to keep running and go about my day, but I knew from past experiences that disobeying God only brought shame and regret. 

So I walked up to her as she neared her front door. “Ma’am,” I said, “you do not know me, but the Lord told me to come and pray for you.” For a moment there was an awkward silence. The cicadas were screaming. My breathing stopped. I felt little beads of sweat dripping down my face. But then after a moment, she burst into tears. For the next several minutes she started pouring out her life’s story. A story full of pain and regret. By the end of it, we are both crying. The Lord met with us on the porch that day. 

After she shared her life, we prayed the sinner’s prayer, and she committed to follow Jesus Christ. When we were done, I stepped back on the road to finish my run feeling refreshed and satisfied. God had answered my prayer. He used my obedience in ministering to someone as the means to fill me with His presence.  

Jesus said Christians who minister are given spiritual food that some Christians never have the pleasure of eating. Jesus once sat down and talked with non-Jewish woman who lived a very immoral life. In fact, she was sharing a bed with her sixth boyfriend. But when Jesus shares the Gospel with her,  her life is instantly changed and she begins to follow Christ. At that moment, His disciples return from buying food from the market only to find Jesus talking with some Gentile woman wearing a bright smile on her face talking excitedly with the Lord about her new life. They brush this off and offer Jesus some food to eat. Hear how He responds,

“I have food to eat that you do not know about.” So the disciples were saying to one another, “No one brought Him [anything] to eat, did he?” Jesus said to them, “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.” [John 4:32-34 NASB]

Ministering to people who are far from God, deep in darkness, is God’s way of giving us spiritual food.  Don’t let the fear of other people stop you from being nourished by sustainable spiritual food. We need it, and there is plenty to be had.

I grew up thinking that living a Christian life was giving in to living a less than life.  It was as though, if you really wanted to do something great or live a life of real successful life, the last thing you would want to be is one of those Christians.  Following all those rules of don’t do this and don’t do that can only lead to a dissatisfied life.  I thought being a real Christian meant I would have to be a missionary and married a miserable woman!  

Then I met men who loved their wives. Their wives loved them.  They enjoyed each other’s company.  Their kids loved and respected them. And they prospered…  One man who became my friend as a banker who did very well, and his family was a place of joy to him. This did not consistent with my idea of a Christian.  But it was God’s idea and plan.

The reward of humility and the fear of the LORD Are riches, honor and life. [Pro 22:4 NASB]

Again and again I would the man, or woman who chose to humble themselves before God and serve Him live out a life that most people would call “blessed” Good things would happen for them that just did not happen to others.  There were spiritual laws working in their lives. These laws one cannot break. The law can break the person but cannot break the law

-Humility. But the humble will inherit the land and will delight themselves in abundant prosperity. [Psa 37:11 NASB]. God, Himself, has said that one who humbles himself will enjoy a life better than most and live a life where he receives things he did not earn (INHERIT).  However the opposite is true for the one who is proud. …, “GOD IS OPPOSED TO THE PROUD, BUT GIVES GRACE TO THE HUMBLE.” [Jas 4:6 NASB] That means God sets up and battle plan against the proud. Not a good agenda for life

-Fear God.- The fear of the Lord will keep you from doing those things that destroys your life, marriage, health. How great is Your goodness, Which You have stored up for those who fear You, [Psa 31:19 NASB].  People who have learned that God is large and in charge, have discovered that God’s goodness continues to come to them.  They seem to live with an unseen resource of benefits that others do not get.

I remember the early days of my pastoral training. I had given up a career in pharmaceuticals to be trained as a pastor. Unfortunately, the training didn’t come with a stipend, so I resorted to working with a construction company eventually becoming their Operations Manager. It was a meager salary, but God was faithful to supply every need we had. Around that time, we had decided to visit my wife’s family Concord, Mass. It had been five years since we had seen them as our budget just barely exceeded our expenses and left no money for travel. But I had concocted a plan: we would sell our old clunker of a car and use that money for gas and lodging on the long drive to see Libby’s parents. This plan was sure to win me some points with Libby and would alleviate us having to borrow cash. It was simple. I had it all set. God, however, had different plans. One day I was counseling a young lady who was just freed from her addiction to
drugs and had given her life to Christ. She needed a fresh start – namely a job to help give her life some structure. A few weeks later, she came with the news that she had found a job. “Yes!” I said. “God truly answers prayers, doesn’t He?” There was, of course, only one more thing she needed to start her new life. She needed the means of driving to work. Before she even finished her thought, I heard the Lord tell me, “Give her the car…” Gulp. “Erm… Well okay, Lord… But You’re the One who’s got to tell Libby.” When
I shared with Libby the impression the Lord had put on my heart, she nodded and agreed this was what we were being called to do. Phew.

The vacation was now on hold and life went back to normal – that is with one less car in our driveway. But within just a couple of weeks, through God ordained circumstances, we were gifted 3/4th of that money needed for our trip. That was enough for us! We took the longest vacation we had ever taken – almost three weeks. And for the first time in my life, I returned home with money in my pocket! God showed Himself to be our Provider.
And He kept providing. The week after I returned someone who knew nothing about our situation called me and gave us twice the amount of what that old clunker was worth. I was dumbfounded. It’s almost like God was showing me His business card, “Here, Bob. This is Who I am, and this is how I work. You give when I tell you to give, and you will always have enough.” Deal. You cannot out give God. Just try.